Bullet Train
Directed by David Leitch.
Written by Zak Olkewicz.
Based on Maria Beetle by Kōtarō Isaka.
Alright, like everything I’ve ever reviewed on this blog, Bullet Train has been out for a while now. In that time I’ve gone to see it twice, which means a lot more now that I don’t work at a movie theater like I used to (R.I.P. ArcLight. Hate it had to be you).
Side note, have y’all noticed how many movie theaters have shut down since Covid? I live in Pasadena, where for some reason, we had four movie theaters on one street. But half of those are gone now. And I just read somewhere that Regal is going down too. Is AMC killing off the competition? I’m just picturing AMC as Galactus, devouring other theaters and sending Nicole Kidman to go forth as their herald of destruction. She shows up in the lobby of other theaters and the last thing they hear before it all goes dark is “Heartbreak feels good in a place like this.”
Anyway, back to Bullet Train! I saw the trailer who knows how long ago and spent however long that was being super hyped. Then the movie came out and…it was everything I wanted it to be! This movie is amazing. Tell all your friends. And if they tell you otherwise, cease communication. Or respect their opinions; you can go either way.
Bullet Train is about a recently enlightened and therapized (if that’s not a word, yes it is) mercenary who has to go onto a bullet train, retrieve a briefcase, and get off of said train. Sounds simple, right? Well of course it isn’t.
Like our protagonist, Ladybug (played wonderfully by Brad Pitt), pretty much everyone we meet on the train has the skill set, capacity, and temperament for violence. And pretty much everyone is GREAT. The cast of characters in this movie is fantastic, starting with and especially because of Lemon and Tangerine, played by Brian Tyree Henry and Aaron Taylor-Johnson, respectively. Brian can do no wrong in my eyes, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at how well he portrayed a silly British hitman with a penchant for reading people, but I was impressed. And Aaron Taylor-Johnson gives what turned out to be my favorite performance of his. His character feels like he could have been straight out of The Gentlemen, and if you know me, you know I love that movie. I’d watch a Lemon & Tangerine spin-off in a heartbeat.
There’s no shortage of colorful characters here, from Joey King’s the Prince (whom I hated, which is a testament to the writing and acting skills), to Hiroyuki Sanada’s the Elder (whom I loved, which is a testament to the same skills). I can already tell this review is gonna be too long, so I won’t dive deep into the rest of the cast, but just know everyone did a great job, there are a couple of great cameos, and Zazie Beetz should have gotten more screen time, but she used what she had fantastically.
This is the kind of movie that intimidates me, from a writing standpoint. Not as a viewer, but as a writer. I think about the idea of writing something with this many story elements, and I just sit there in awe of those who can do it. There are SO MANY moving parts to this story, and they’re all woven in so smoothly that by the end, pretty much all of my questions were answered, even some I didn’t realize I had. “Why is this guy here?” “Why does he hate this other guy?” “WHAT is up with this snake?!” All answered. Shout out to Leitch and Olkewicz for this storytelling. I imagine the most credit should go to Isaka for writing the novel, but I haven’t read it, so I can’t comment on how much was the excellent source material, and how much was adaptive skill. But hey, shout outs all around.
I LOVE the style of this movie! The on-screen display of code names, the fact that everyone has code names in the first place, the aesthetics, the action (of course), it’s all delightful. The way characters are introduced let me know I’d have a fun time from the jump. And with each character we meet, we get a backstory, which goes back to the movie having a bunch of moving parts. However, flashbacks and callbacks are used so effectively that not only do they add to the comedic element, but they make it easier to keep up with the story. There’s one flashback in particular that I HATED, but that’s because it involves people violently vomiting, and seeing people vomit on screen is one of my least favorite things. But even that scene, which I was forced to see repeatedly, works well narratively speaking. But for real, y’all gotta stop making us see people throw up. I hate it, and I’d bring the Hays Code back if it meant y’all would have to stop it.
But let’s talk about violence, which I’m surprisingly cool with. In movies, I mean. Not in real life. I’m not a monster. Anyway, David Leitch is a fight scene genius, and I’m sure that’s due in no small part to him being a stuntman and stunt coordinator for some time in his career. He even used to be Brad Pitt’s stunt double. There’s your fun fact for today. Being a part of that world allowed him to understand fight choreography and stunts in a way that many directors probably can’t, and I think that’s why David Leitch movies (John Wick, Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2) have some of the best action we’ve seen in a long time.
I could talk/write about this movie all day because I adore it. However, I don’t even know if people READ movie reviews anymore. Everybody’s on YouTube or a podcast speaking their thoughts now, instead of writing them down like it’s the 90s. It’s me, I’m everybody. But sometimes I feel like writing, so here we are. If you made it to the end, I appreciate you more than you know! Go see Bullet Train.
Tl;dr: Everything about Bullet Train was done well. The cast? Fire. The action? Fire. The writing? Fire. It just needed more Zazie.
Rating: 9.5 out of 10
Straight Outta Pride Rock 