Movie Review: Three Thousand Years of Longing

Three Thousand Years of Longing

Directed by George Miller.

Written by George Miller and Augusta Gore.

Based on “The Djinn in the Nightingale’s Eye” by A. S. Byatt.

I was in the theater with the love of my life a few months back and we saw an insane trailer with Idris Elba, Tilda Swinton, and a bunch of incoherent noise and imagery. To my surprise, Kayla leans over and says “I think I might wanna see that one”. It was surprising because Kayla’s not usually one for the weird movies. Having a higher tolerance for weirdness than she does, I was like “bet”.

Fast forward to now, and I’ve seen Three Stacks Years of Longing, and she hasn’t because she changed her mind. But oh well, I got a podcast episode out of it. But since you probably don’t listen to my podcast, I’ll give you my thoughts here. It’s…fine?

Three Racks Years of Longing is the story of a lonely white lady named Alithea who spends her days giving presentations about mythology and all that (pay attention, that’ll come back later), but also sees things that other people can’t see? I don’t remember if they explain that. Anyway, she buys somethin’ dusty but pretty and when she takes it home and cleans it, out comes giant Idris Elba, the Djinn.

The Djinn is great, and not just because Idris gives a great performance, which he does. The Djinn just wants to give Alithea three wishes and keep it pushin’, but ol’ girl isn’t rockin’ with it. She’s a bit suspicious. Which makes sense, you know? If a giant Stringer Bell popped up in my spot I might be cautious too.

So now Ali and the Djinn are in a really polite standoff. He’s bringing her snacks and stuff but simultaneously trying to get her to trust him. He’s just tryin’ to get these wishes off, but she’s too worried about how wishes usually go badly in stories like this. Clever girl.

So boom. Story time. Ali and Dj (I’ma call him DJ) are the frame narrative for the stories he tells her, which make up a lot of the runtime. It’s a story about stories. Also, remember what I said about Ali being into mythology? Stories are a big part of her life, so when she hears DJ tell his life stories, she’s able to pick apart the elements that make it seem like wishing isn’t a great idea after all, much to his annoyance. That was a cool bit of character depth for her. I dig it.

The stories themselves are pretty hit or miss for me. They each have their moments (for the most part), but I don’t think I really love any of the stories that DJ tells. That might be why the movie doesn’t hit for me like it does for everyone I saw it with. And I had the same issues with the last George Miller movie I saw.

I know everyone in the world loves Mad Max: Fury Road, but it just doesn’t do it for me. I know there are some great visuals and action, but it feels very “style over substance” for me. And I wouldn’t say that about Three Bands Years of Longing, but I will say that the style hits in a way that the substance doesn’t. If it weren’t for the stunning visuals in this movie (Georgie Millz has a knack for those), I would have been bored outta my mind.

But man, those visuals. The colors, the backgrounds, the creatures, the smoke! They made smoke look awesome. There are so many beautiful shots and visual elements in this movie that I almost really enjoyed myself watching it. More often than not, there’s something on the screen that will spark interest or raise questions. I just found myself wishing I was watching a movie about some of the more interesting looking characters instead of some of the characters we followed in the stories.

Three Thousand Years of Longing isn’t exactly my cup o’ tea, but I can definitely see its artistic merit and all that. Something about it just doesn’t connect with me. The reason this review took so long to come out is because I was trying to find the enthusiasm to actually finish it. I’ve sat down to write this like three times. Anyway, if you like G. Millie’s movies like Mad Max: Fury Road, you’ll probably enjoy yourself. I don’t know if there’s any correlation between this one and Happy Feet.

tl;dr: The story left me feeling a little disinterested here and there, but the visuals were stunning throughout, and Idris and Tilda killed it as expected.

Rating: 6.5 out of 10

Creative Differences Episode 199 | Honk For Jesus. Save Your Soul, Black Churches, and the Return of the Rings of Power

God is good all the time! And all the time…God is good!

And so are Regina Hall and Sterling K. Brown.

Creative Differences Episode 198 | The Invitation, Three Thousand Years of Longing, and the Return of the Targaryens

I got to talk about Tekken in this one!

Movie Review: Prey

Prey

Directed by Dan Trachtenberg.

Written by Patrick Aison.

I was on YouTube one day watching movie trailers, and I saw a trailer in which a dude tried to hit a Predator with a hatchet, and the Predator caught it, flipped it, and killed the dude with it. And at that moment I decided I had to watch Prey. Since then I’ve seen it twice. And yes, it’s as good as all your nerdy friends are saying it is.

Full disclosure: the reason I saw it twice is that I was falling asleep the first time. Not because the movie is boring (it isn’t), but because I thought I could work a full day’s work, then go see Bullet Train, then go home and watch Prey. I am not the young man I once was, so my brain said “Nah fam, we tired”. So I watched it again the next morning, while wide awake, and yeah, it’s pretty dope.

The concept of Prey is pretty simple. It’s a Predator movie, but in 1719, and following a Comanche tribe. You know how these movies are. Predator comin’. He gon’ kill some people. Will he kill all the people? That’s what we’re here to find out.

Speaking of people, this movie isn’t one for super in-depth characterizations and arcs, but our protagonist Naru is pretty great. Amber Midthunder pretty much has to carry this movie on her shoulders since there aren’t many other characters to get attached to. But Amber’s performance is on point, so no problem there. She’s a talented hunter and tracker, but her mom wants her to be in the medical field. Relatable, huh? Naru says “Nah, I’m too badass to be in here fixing wounds, I should be causing wounds”. *Not an exact quote*. So she wants to join her very supportive and caring brother out in the mean streets of wherever they go hunting.

While we’re talking about her brother, I was so happy that he’s supportive of her. Their relationship isn’t antagonistic and he doesn’t hit her with the “a woman’s place is back home” nonsense. There’s one time when he expresses that maybe she should sit this one out, and that’s only after he has a pretty big reason to feel that way. Naru also has a dog who tends to just run off. A lot. Where did he keep going?

There are other characters as well if you want to call them that, but all the humans aside from Naru and her brother are pretty forgettable. That was a bit disappointing for me because I really didn’t feel any emotional stakes when the Predator started catchin’ bodies. But speaking of that, if you’re hesitant to just watch indigenous people get mopped up for an hour and a half, there’s a group of French trap stars that come in and take some of the hits, too.

As I said, it’s pretty simple, but they do interesting things with it. We get to see Naru develop new skills (and even a new weapon), and there’s a nice parallel of the Predator testing its skills with various prey while Naru learns more about whatever is out there goin’ HAM. Then it all pays off very well in our final girl fight against the Predator.

Before I put down my phone, laptop, or whatever I end up writing the rest of this on, I just want to say that I’ve always loved the Predator as a concept. It’s one of the dopest creature designs in movies, especially with the mask on. A movie monster that hunts for the sport of it, but also has a code about it? I love that. And I love that we can still make Predator movies I care about.

So, that’s To Catch A Predator: Comanche Edition. If you like Predator movies, I recommend it. If not, I’m not sure what you’d get out of this one, unless you’re just really hungry for indigenous representation. And if that’s the case, I totally get it. We don’t have enough of that.

Tl;Dr: It’s a really good Predator movie. You know the vibes. Watch it if you like Predator movies.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10

Movie Review: Bullet Train

Bullet Train

Directed by David Leitch.

Written by Zak Olkewicz.

Based on Maria Beetle by Kōtarō Isaka.

Alright, like everything I’ve ever reviewed on this blog, Bullet Train has been out for a while now. In that time I’ve gone to see it twice, which means a lot more now that I don’t work at a movie theater like I used to (R.I.P. ArcLight. Hate it had to be you).

Side note, have y’all noticed how many movie theaters have shut down since Covid? I live in Pasadena, where for some reason, we had four movie theaters on one street. But half of those are gone now. And I just read somewhere that Regal is going down too. Is AMC killing off the competition? I’m just picturing AMC as Galactus, devouring other theaters and sending Nicole Kidman to go forth as their herald of destruction. She shows up in the lobby of other theaters and the last thing they hear before it all goes dark is “Heartbreak feels good in a place like this.”

Anyway, back to Bullet Train! I saw the trailer who knows how long ago and spent however long that was being super hyped. Then the movie came out and…it was everything I wanted it to be! This movie is amazing. Tell all your friends. And if they tell you otherwise, cease communication. Or respect their opinions; you can go either way.

Bullet Train is about a recently enlightened and therapized (if that’s not a word, yes it is) mercenary who has to go onto a bullet train, retrieve a briefcase, and get off of said train. Sounds simple, right? Well of course it isn’t.

Like our protagonist, Ladybug (played wonderfully by Brad Pitt), pretty much everyone we meet on the train has the skill set, capacity, and temperament for violence. And pretty much everyone is GREAT. The cast of characters in this movie is fantastic, starting with and especially because of Lemon and Tangerine, played by Brian Tyree Henry and Aaron Taylor-Johnson, respectively. Brian can do no wrong in my eyes, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at how well he portrayed a silly British hitman with a penchant for reading people, but I was impressed. And Aaron Taylor-Johnson gives what turned out to be my favorite performance of his. His character feels like he could have been straight out of The Gentlemen, and if you know me, you know I love that movie. I’d watch a Lemon & Tangerine spin-off in a heartbeat.

There’s no shortage of colorful characters here, from Joey King’s the Prince (whom I hated, which is a testament to the writing and acting skills), to Hiroyuki Sanada’s the Elder (whom I loved, which is a testament to the same skills). I can already tell this review is gonna be too long, so I won’t dive deep into the rest of the cast, but just know everyone did a great job, there are a couple of great cameos, and Zazie Beetz should have gotten more screen time, but she used what she had fantastically.

This is the kind of movie that intimidates me, from a writing standpoint. Not as a viewer, but as a writer. I think about the idea of writing something with this many story elements, and I just sit there in awe of those who can do it. There are SO MANY moving parts to this story, and they’re all woven in so smoothly that by the end, pretty much all of my questions were answered, even some I didn’t realize I had. “Why is this guy here?” “Why does he hate this other guy?” “WHAT is up with this snake?!” All answered. Shout out to Leitch and Olkewicz for this storytelling. I imagine the most credit should go to Isaka for writing the novel, but I haven’t read it, so I can’t comment on how much was the excellent source material, and how much was adaptive skill. But hey, shout outs all around.

I LOVE the style of this movie! The on-screen display of code names, the fact that everyone has code names in the first place, the aesthetics, the action (of course), it’s all delightful. The way characters are introduced let me know I’d have a fun time from the jump. And with each character we meet, we get a backstory, which goes back to the movie having a bunch of moving parts. However, flashbacks and callbacks are used so effectively that not only do they add to the comedic element, but they make it easier to keep up with the story. There’s one flashback in particular that I HATED, but that’s because it involves people violently vomiting, and seeing people vomit on screen is one of my least favorite things. But even that scene, which I was forced to see repeatedly, works well narratively speaking. But for real, y’all gotta stop making us see people throw up. I hate it, and I’d bring the Hays Code back if it meant y’all would have to stop it.

But let’s talk about violence, which I’m surprisingly cool with. In movies, I mean. Not in real life. I’m not a monster. Anyway, David Leitch is a fight scene genius, and I’m sure that’s due in no small part to him being a stuntman and stunt coordinator for some time in his career. He even used to be Brad Pitt’s stunt double. There’s your fun fact for today. Being a part of that world allowed him to understand fight choreography and stunts in a way that many directors probably can’t, and I think that’s why David Leitch movies (John Wick, Atomic Blonde, Deadpool 2) have some of the best action we’ve seen in a long time.

I could talk/write about this movie all day because I adore it. However, I don’t even know if people READ movie reviews anymore. Everybody’s on YouTube or a podcast speaking their thoughts now, instead of writing them down like it’s the 90s. It’s me, I’m everybody. But sometimes I feel like writing, so here we are. If you made it to the end, I appreciate you more than you know! Go see Bullet Train.

Tl;dr: Everything about Bullet Train was done well. The cast? Fire. The action? Fire. The writing? Fire. It just needed more Zazie.

Rating: 9.5 out of 10

Creative Differences Episode 196 | Day Shift, Hot Vampires, and the Future of Ezra Miller’s Flash

I finally got to tell the world how amazing The Spectacular Spider-Man is! Also, we reviewed Day Shift!

Creative Differences Episode 195 | Bullet Train, Prey, and the Death of Batgirl (2022)

Bullet Train was the most fun I’ve had in a movie theater all year! Listen to me talk about it!

Creative Differences Episode 192 | Nope, The Gray Man, and Why People See Movies

Jordan Peele is undefeated!

Creative Differences Episode 191 | Throwback Thursday: The Dark Knight Rises – Movie Reaction

We did a movie reaction video! We watched all 2 hours and 40ish minutes of The Dark Knight Rises! And we spent a lot of it wondering why this movie is so whitewashed.

Creative Differences Episode 189 | Thor: Love and Thunder, Stranger Things, The Boys, and the Review Marathon!

We reviewed A LOT this week.

Check out our new episode if you watched any of the following things:

• Thor: Love and Thunder
• Stranger Things
• The Boys
• The Umbrella Academy
• Mr. Malcolm’s List

You watched at least ONE of those, right?